[ Watch The Birdie II, Revenge Of The Feathery Thing (Page
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Week 5 – Arizona Cardinals (3-1) @ Atlanta Falcons(2-2)
Strengths
- Balanced rushing attack with a big bruiser (TJ Duckett) and a nippy little
third-down type (Warrick Dunn).
- Peerless Price. Damn. Amazing speed, terrific hands.
- Heart of defence captained by Keith Brooking, a genuine elite MLB.
- Some bloke called Vick, who you might have heard of.
Weaknesses
- Guts of offensive line pretty suspect.
- Price and TE Alge Crumpler aside, the rest of the receiving corps are extras
from Night Of The Living Dead. Stephen Hawking is a bigger downfield threat than
any of these guys.
- Will probably be able to overpower the right side of the Atlanta front 7.
- Starting corners are almost beyond hopeless. Rookie William Harris has
terrific wheels but will be playing with one arm thanks to a strained shoulder
and Bryan Scott, the sophomore on the other side couldn’t cover his own head
with a blanket best two out of three. Seriously. Today, on “Coaching Decisions
From A Parallel Universe”, Dan Reeves decides that the healthy and
more-than-competent Ray Buchanan and Tyrone Williams will play nickel and dime
duty. Bizarre.
Game Plan
On defence, we’ll double Price, keep an eye on Crumpler and ignore the rest.
Really. They’re that bad. We have to work to deny the perimeter to Vick and
Dunn, forcing them to have to gain their rushing yards up the middle where their
line is weakest and our defence is strongest.
On offence, for the most part we’ll keep it up the jumper, tuck in behind LJ
Shelton and Pete Kendall on the left side of our line and run them to death.
Once they start to bring players closer to the line to slow us down, we’ll
persecute Bryan Scott deep and kill the game off. Or so goes the plan.
I’m quietly confident. In the half we played against Atlanta’s first team in the
pre-season they managed just 3 points and Michael Vick got a bit of a battering.
If we can get close to the same sort of pressure this time out, we should be
home free.
So, to sum up, all we need to do is contain the single most dangerous playmaker
in the league, and everything else will be cream cheese.
Easy as that, then.
-
Third week away from Sun Devil, and the home-town fans are starting to forget
what we look like.
Which must be something of a blessed relief.
We lose our 4th coin-toss on the bounce, and Atlanta elect to put the ball in
our hands first, showing a confidence in their defence that makes me wonder if I
was missing something when I scouted it.
Smash. 22 yards to Anquan on the out. Smash. Play-pass that sees MLB Chris Draft
trying and failing to run deep with Shaun McDonald, blitzers bite heinously on
the fake, giving Jeff Blake the better part of a century to set his feet and hit
Shaun-O-Mac in stride, 32 yard gain. Smash off the left side, Shipp breaks a
half-hearted tackle aimed at chest height, 11 yard touchdown.
Nope. Doesn’t look like I missed anything. ARI 7-0 ATL
Ah, but here comes Michael Vick. Michael Vick! Dum-dum-daaaaaaa! If even half
the hype surrounding this bloke is to be believed, he eats defences for
breakfast and scores a million points before elevenses. If even a fraction of
what’s said about him is true, then he should come to work with a big red “S” on
the front of his jersey and his boxers on outside his trousers. Surely our D
which, and let’s be fair to them, are still useless, aren’t going to have what
it takes to stop Captain Coverboy?
1st down, handoff to Dunn who tries to get outside and is stuffed by the blitz
that’s there to stop that exact play. Second down, Duckett up the middle for a
couple of yards. Official Down And Distance Of The Arizona Cardinals, it has to
be a pass so everyone concentrates on keeping Peerless Price and Alge Crumpler
from getting open, Vick sits back waiting for an opening that’s not going to
come, pulls the ball down as the pocket starts to collapse and runs forward
straight into Paul Grasmanis.
That’ll be a punt, then.
Unfortunately, we have to punt it straight back, and Michael Vick (dum-dum-daaaaaaa!)
gets another go. This time on 3rd and 1 they don’t nonce about trying to pass
it, instead trying some hybrid QB draw/sweep affair that sees Vick drop back
then take off behind a pulling guard. He takes off straight into Levar Fisher
who’s on an OLB blitz, mind you, but the idea wasn’t a bad ‘un. The punt’s high
and short and fair-caught at our 42.
Out we come in a Strong-I, and off the snap the fullback draws the defence right
before the handoff is to Marcel Shipp going left. End Brady Smith gets a shot at
him in the backfield, but an arm-tackle is never going to be enough to stop
Marcel at full speed. A shifty sidestep beats a safety and my favourite stooge,
the hapless Bryan Scott, and just like that Shipp’s through the line and into
the open field. Strong safety Cory Hall is the last possible line of defence,
but Shipp snaps out an arm and Hall folds like a dot-com allowing Marcel to trot
the rest of the way home – 58 yards, ARI 14-0 ATL.
But here comes That Man (dum-dum-daaaaaaa!) again, and with him on the field
you get the feeling that anything’s possible. One thing that’s certainly
possible is for the Falcons to get a mite bit too clever on 2nd and short, have
their centre and left guard pull to try and set a halfback screen and so leave
DT Paul Grasmanis absolutely unblocked all the way to their excessively hyped
and extremely expensive quarterback...
Err... so third and long it is. And Vick actually throws a pass for the first
time all game, but Peerless Price predictably has defenders hanging all over
him, so he elects to check down to the single-covered slot-man Jose Wright,
who’s stolen a step off No-Mark Barrett on a square out. Vick winds up and
unleashes a rocket, an inch-perfect pass that flies straight and true into the
outstretched hands of the receiver, who drops it.
There was a reason we only single-covered him, matey.
You have to feel a bit for the quarterback, though, who’s putting in a manful
effort despite less than no help from any of his team-mates. Off he trots,
shoulders slumped, obviously trying to work out a way that he can throw passes
to himself. We ride Marcel Shipp to the Atlanta 26, and that’s the end of the
first quarter.
Just for the sake of variety, we start the second by giving the ball to Shipp
via a screen which the big guy carries for 10 yards. Not seeing why Marcel
should have all the fun, Travis Minor comes in to spell him and gets
ridiculously wide-open as he flares out and the linebacker assigned to cover him
gets lost in the mess and traffic filling the short middle zones – 12 yard TD
pass, and this is threatening to get out of hand. ARI 21-0 ATL
Finally, Atlanta manage to get one of those outside runs they’ve been angling
for all afternoon – and it’s a beauty, TJ Duckett taking the toss right and
churning through tackles to the tune of 37 yards. Damn. Then he forgets how he
did the trick and gets stuffed twice on consecutive plays. Yay. Vick (dum-dum-daaaaaaa!)
drops back on 3rd down, spots an open man, sighs in resignation and launches at
Terrence Edwards who, to absolutely no-one’s surprise, drops it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you – the comedy stylings of Michael Vick and his
Not Ready For Prime-Time Players.
Shipp gets stuffed on 1st down, but it’s okay because Johnno absolutely
murders resident fall-guy Bryan Scott, catching a quick slant-in before
turning back out again and stretching the short pass to a 20-yard gain.
Shipp takes us into Atlanta territory, but a short run and an incompletion
leave us at 3rd and 8. Luckily the Falcon secondary chooses this moment to take
a tea-break, and despite our sending only three players out in a pattern the
five Atlanta defensive backs somehow manage to utterly ignore Anquan Boldin, who
waits patiently for Jeff Blake to roll away from trouble and get the pass off
before weaving through tackles upfield for 25 yards, and we’re back in the
red-zone. From there, we just bully our way to the goal-line, there’s no other
word for it. We’re bigger than they are, so we push them around, steal their
lunch-money and flush their heads down the bog. The Falcons get a brief flicker
of hope when they stop Shipp on 2nd and goal from the 1, but what are the
chances of them managing that twice on the bounce?
No chance whatsoever, as it turns out. 2:23 in the half, and can we play you
every week? ARI 28-0 ATL
Sooner or later the dam has to break, through, and sure enough on 2nd and 11 on
the ensuing drive, Vick sees just a chink of daylight ahead of him and is
through it like a ferret up a trouserleg, converting for the first down. Almost
inevitably, the play seems to energise the Atlanta offence and suddenly they’re
clicking, flying down the field to cap the half off in positive fashion – a
perfect strike through tight coverage to Peerless Price at the back of the
endzone, and with the Falcons due to get the ball back at the start of the 3rd
quarter, might this be the start of the most improbable comeback since Lazarus?
Half-time, ARI 28-7 ATL
-
The half-time team-talk is very much of the “keep doing what you’re doing,
keep the pressure on Number Seven (dum-dum-daaaaaaa!)” variety, which makes it
all the more irritating when on the first play from scrimmage we give Vick time
to pick his spot and hit Alge Crumpler deep to take the Falcons into our half.
Oooh-er. Luckily, the Atlanta offensive co-ordinator then loses his mind and
calls a weird QB sweep-thing which involves Vick sprinting ten yards straight
back from the line of scrimmage then, and only then, setting off to run. Or,
more precisely, trying to set off to run then making the acquaintance of roughly
seventeen defenders who’ve followed him into the backfield. 2nd down and Paul
Grasmanis, having the game of his life, blows past his blocker with a swim-move,
overpowers Warrick Dunn and hammers Vick to the turf.
Third down, and the partially-concussed quarterback sees Terrence Edwards
halfway open and lets the perfect pass fly. Edwards turns back, raises his hands
to take the ball...
You’re way ahead of me here, aren’t you?
...and drops it. Come back Brian Finneran, all is forgiven.
We can’t get anything going and have to punt the ball straight back, but on 3rd
and 6 Vick (dum-dum-daaaaaaa!) finally gets sick to the back teeth of having his
passes put on the deck by various schlubs who have the same delicate feel for
the ball as Edward Scissorhands, and so forces a pass in to Peerless Price.
Turns out that’s not the right call either as safety Dexter Jackson slides in
front and makes the interception, taking it back inside the 20. 2 plays later,
Blake to Johnson, 4:30 to play in the 3rd quarter, ARI 35-7 ATL
And that’s that, really. Josh McCown comes in and throws a TD and 2
interceptions, just to remind me that no matter how many OVR points he gained in
the offseason there’s not a chance in hell that he’ll evolve into our franchise
QB. Vick (dum-dum-daaaaaaaa!) throws an irritating long TD to Alge Crumpler to
take the gloss off our defensive stats, but is left in ‘till the very last play
despite being on the business end of no less than 11 (!) sacks, 5 of them from
Paul Grasmanis and 4 more from WLB Levar Fisher. Offensively, we end the day
with 218 rushing yards, 169 of them from Marcel Shipp. Nice. Final score -
ARI 42-14 ATL
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(c) daniel
roe 2004
